You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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