Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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