Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
