my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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