i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
