I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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