she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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