So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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