Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm both gender and math confused
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
