I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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