For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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