it wasn't lemon gatorade
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
