i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
