Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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