She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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