Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
