he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
