Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You took a bar mat shot.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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