I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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