...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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