he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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