Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
