Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
