Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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