He is like the real live version of the state fair..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
