When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
