you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
