2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
