last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
