My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
