once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
