I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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