you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
