Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
