so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
