***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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