If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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