PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
