i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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