I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Randomize
