were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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