if i can run in heels then i can drive
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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