Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
