By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
