One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
