My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
