And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
