Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
