@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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