Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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