I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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